Life Is One Big Sales Job: How to Become a Better BD? | A Conversation with 戴安琪 of a Tech Family Office
Summary
The starting point for a BD playbook is not meeting more people, but quantifying the customer and channel profiles first. The family office where 戴安琪 works sets a $10M+ threshold, with assets held offshore, then narrows the pool from cross-border trade and US/Hong Kong-listed companies to No. 1 and No. 2 executives and early employees and executives at major tech companies; channels are ranked by customer referrals, industry networks, media, and vertical communities. “Referrals among target customers are always the most valuable, and carry the strongest credibility.”
Brand strength determines how cold outreach should be done, while institutional credibility is the most practical starting point for newcomers. 戴安琪 recommends a 3–10-second elevator pitch built around the prospect’s recent public moves and likely needs; 曲凯 argues that once you have an established brand, writing all this out can make the pitch feel too sales-driven. Without a personal brand, borrow the platform’s credibility—when he first joined Baidu, he used the company to get meetings and offer access to internal resources, then gradually transferred the institution’s value to himself.
The outcome of a referral is often decided before the meeting, making selection more important than effort. What matters is not only whether the referrer has resources, but also their willingness, stance, personality, and whether they trust the “safety net” provided by you and your institution; in FA cases, founders ultimately seek input from existing investors, who usually already have preferred FAs. The person making the introduction can therefore determine the result. “Many outcomes are decided at the very beginning.”
A difficult customer may still be an opportunity; the real bad signal is silence. 戴安琪 converted a “logic- and detail-obsessed” prospect who wrote long messages challenging her and the institution’s rationale: the challenges revealed his personality and needs, while giving her room to build an equal relationship using the principles of Nonviolent Communication. “The most negative reaction is always saying nothing. Anything above that is an opportunity.”
Trust is not a byproduct of professional competence, but the combined result of economic value, emotional value, and consistency over time. 戴安琪 says more than 95% of her networking is with people above her, making “sincerity the killer move”; 曲凯 sums up the behavior of high achievers as “rational in judgment, emotional in decisions.” When product differences do not create a scarce moat, whether people like you, enjoy working with you, and value experiences at key moments—from pickup and drop-off to gifts and timely feedback—may determine the final choice.
Closing a deal has only two main drivers: need-fit and trust, but a good BD should not try to win every customer. 戴安琪 believes either one, taken to an extreme, can close the deal; in financial services, she says getting 60–70% of the way through needs discovery may be enough to win the mandate, while even very strong trust may translate to only 30–40%. 曲凯’s constraint is to assess the team’s edge first: if a project clearly requires RMB financing and the team is not good at it, introduce a suitable RMB FA instead of pretending otherwise.
The endgame of long-termism is not working ever harder at networking up, but turning relationship labor into your own capabilities and position. 戴安琪 uses “who are you, what do you want, and what price are you willing to pay?” to set strategy and boundaries; 曲凯 warns that today’s playbook may still work in 5 years, but will probably be replaced in 10 by younger, more aggressive people. “Ultimately, you have to move upward yourself,” or BD can easily become a career that only pays while you are young.
Deep dive
1. High-quality leads come from reverse-engineering the threshold into networks, not casting a wide net
戴安琪 breaks the full funnel into leads, outreach, credibility-building, conversion, and ongoing account management. The tech family office she works for brings in capital and provides asset management and concierge services; its hard customer threshold is $10M+, with assets held offshore. The profile must be derived from business constraints, not from an instinctive list of wealthy people.
Starting with “wealth held offshore,” the potential customer pool first points to cross-border trade and offshore wealth created through US and Hong Kong listings. Combined with the family office’s tech DNA, the priority becomes No. 1 and No. 2 executives at US and Hong Kong-listed companies, along with early employees and executives at major tech companies. Profiling turns an abstract wealth level into specific networks that can actually be mapped.
Channel profiling matters as much as customer profiling: first ask who has regular access to these customers, then ask who is willing to make referrals. 戴安琪 ranks customer-to-customer referrals highest for both value and credibility, followed by people in tech and major-company networks, with media such as 42章经 and specific vertical communities last.
2. Brand determines the cold-outreach playbook; institutional credibility should become personal equity
For BDs without a strong brand, 戴安琪 recommends compressing cold outreach into 3–10 seconds. Everyone can recite a title and résumé; what actually lands is a response to the person’s recent speech or specific achievement, or a grounded hypothesis about and question on their current needs.
曲凯 offers a counterexample worth keeping: 42章经 already has recognition in AI, so when he adds someone, he only needs to state who he is. If the person still does not accept, writing a long paragraph analyzing their needs has a low conversion rate and feels “highly intentional.” Brand does not eliminate preparation; it changes the most effective entry point for trust.
Without a personal brand, 曲凯 advocates borrowing the institution’s momentum first. In his first year at Baidu, he could build relationships by saying, “I can get you a meeting with someone at Baidu,” or by arranging an internal trip. The path is to start with platform resources, then gradually shift the platform’s halo onto yourself by building your own brand and personal network.
3. The outcome of a referral is decided before the referrer ever speaks
戴安琪 divides referrals into one-to-one introductions and entry into broader circles, but both begin with answering the question: who are you? A BD should be able to state their 1–3 strongest points immediately, while honestly identifying their strengths and weaknesses—in both capability and personality—and the trade-offs they are willing to accept. The path of a charismatic operator differs from that of a specialist, but both require a vivid, credible first impression.
Value does not have to be presented as entirely personal. What backing the current platform can provide, how past platforms connect to today through “connecting the dots,” and what the individual’s network can solve for the customer should all be reworked against the customer and channel profiles. 曲凯 gives his team a simple formulation: “I can bring 曲凯 into the conversation. My value is your value.”
戴安琪 believes positioning usually takes 1.5–2 years of practice and review to begin solidifying, while principles should be defined much earlier. “I would never fail to recognize my own value,” she says; the higher bar is to like and accept yourself when acting according to those principles. If you decide to “make clean money,” do not touch dirty money; if you want speed and simplicity, accept the value you may give up in exchange.
Her deepest lesson on choosing referrers is that “selection matters more than effort”: the number of resources does not equal willingness to refer, and the people who actually work must believe in you and the institution and feel that there is a safety net behind the relationship. 曲凯 adds that founders often choose an FA by asking existing investors, who already have familiar FAs. Find the wrong referrer and effort may not only fail—it may backfire.
4. Silence is the worst signal; difficult customers may become the most loyal
Online relationship-building can begin by promptly sharing relevant information, finding common ground, and continuing to “show your face.” 戴安琪 decides how many times to invite someone based on their importance: if the customer matters enough, “try inviting them 10 times,” while setting a stop line to prevent persistence from becoming open-ended depletion.
She once dealt with a logic- and detail-obsessed prospect who repeatedly wrote long messages challenging her and the institution’s rationale, but ultimately converted him. “The most negative reaction is always saying nothing,” because someone willing to respond—even by continuing to challenge you—gives you a way to understand their personality and judgment. A shift in tone from disdain to equality can also recalibrate your own sense of value.
Difficult communicators know they are difficult to communicate with. 戴安琪 believes that once you win over one, the person may be more likely to remain locked in with you and continue to release capital or other social connections. She recommends using Nonviolent Communication to train your responses, while stressing that persistence must have boundaries, because referrals can carry all kinds of costs.
5. Effective small talk is designed around rhythm, not purposeless warm-up
When reaching out offline to high-value prospects, 戴安琪 will first “act familiar”: review their social feed, identify friends whose posts they both like, and use company news to open the conversation. Facing the top executive of a NASDAQ-listed company with more than $100M in assets, she even tested the waters by saying, “I’m near your office right now—do you want to come down for coffee?” and secured the meeting. She attributes it to high drive and the willingness to “keep shamelessly pushing.”
戴安琪 breaks conversation into 3 layers: light personal talk, such as the weather and flights; the children, education, or business issues the other person genuinely cares about; and only then your own objective. 曲凯 cautions that personal small talk should occupy very little of the conversation, which should focus mainly on the other person’s concerns.
A one-hour meeting might roughly comprise 5 minutes of small talk, 45 minutes on what the other person cares about, and 10 minutes on your own ask. But 曲凯 stresses that this is rhythm, not mechanical timekeeping: in a serious discussion, insert a shared complaint so the other person does not feel constantly extracted from. A good host is not afraid of silence and nudges the conversation only at key moments.
戴安琪 spent more than 8 months reducing her communication to “8 parts substantive content, 2 parts filler.” The more sustainable answer is genuine curiosity: when organizing an event, do not just create a group chat, schedule a time, and book a venue—understand what everyone is actually discussing. Meet someone who understands A today, then meet someone who needs A and is good at B tomorrow, and you can connect them naturally. Platform resources are not merely “used”; they become personal knowledge and network capital.
6. Trust compounds through sincerity, value, and the moments that matter
戴安琪 believes credibility-building runs through every stage, from your profile photo and information to the meeting and follow-up, because “everything you put out into the world is you.” More than 95% of her daily networking is upward, and her first principle is that “sincerity is the killer move”: do not show off cleverness or IQ in front of someone whose achievements far exceed your own.
Only after sincerity comes value exchange, and value has just two forms: economic value and emotional value. Connections and professional solutions belong to the former; understanding emotions and becoming a likeable person belong to the latter. Even if it is not your natural strength, you can use Nonviolent Communication templates to train your expression and keep asking: “What is trust? Why should anyone trust me?”
曲凯’s summary is “rational in judgment, emotional in decisions.” Wealthy customers face a flood of proposals every day; unless you have scarce capabilities others lack—unique information, licenses, or the like—parameter advantages may not create a decisive difference. What truly separates the experience are a few moments along the entire journey: meeting someone downstairs, seeing them off, a gift after the presentation, or a precisely timed response when you notice a change in their mood.
7. Closing depends only on need-fit and trust, and you do not need to win every customer
In 戴安琪’s view, true conversion has already been laid down by the details that came before. “Close the deal” has only two variables: the need has been accurately identified and the solution addresses it, or trust and the relationship are already in place. Either can be taken to the extreme and still produce a deal; most real transactions are driven by both, with neither inherently superior.
Financial services deal directly with money, so the professional bar is higher. She gives the example that for one person, getting 60–70% of the way through needs discovery may make a deal relatively easy to close; even if trust is built very effectively, it may still reach only 30–40%.
曲凯’s constraint is: “Do not think you have to win every customer.” If a project most urgently needs RMB financing and the team is clearly not good at it, refer the customer to an RMB FA. Insisting that “we can do it too” only lets both sides discover the problem after a deeper comparison. Doing what you are good at matters more than forcing a fit with the wrong customer.
8. BD’s endgame is knowing what to trade off and moving upward
Ongoing relationship management first requires answering 3 questions: “Who are you? Second, what do you want? Third, what price are you willing to pay?” They determine strategy, action, adjustment, and boundaries, as well as whether you are willing to sacrifice entertainment, family time, and energy. Without clear answers, long-term networking up can easily slide into emptiness and self-doubt.
戴安琪 uses the “telephone switchboard” in My Experience and Lessons to describe her ideal role: collect information from countless lines, classify it, and relay it to the world. She studied English at university and had no finance background, but wanted to be “a bridge between China and the rest of the world.” Looking back after 10 years, her current work still aligns with that original ambition, allowing her to connect the dots rather than constantly disowning the past.
曲凯 uses Jay Chou’s autograph to explain how a clearly stated need activates help: giving one to a mother who does not care about it is less useful than giving it to a stranger who truly loves Jay Chou. Only when someone clearly states what they want can others identify where to help. Maturity means knowing what both you and the other person want, what each can offer, and recognizing early when a partnership cannot match.
This is where “the world itself is one big Sales” lands: the more senior the role, the more it requires transmitting needs, understanding demand, and exchanging value. But tactics depreciate. 曲凯 believes today’s methods may still work in 5 years, but will basically stop working in 10, when newer, harder-working people with stronger BD skills and a greater willingness to source emerge. The goal is to turn bottom-up communication into something of your own—and keep moving upward.